My friend Dara posted something amazing on facebook.
The fact that I refer to Dara as my friend in itself is probably amazing when you consider that we've only met once! But that is just what happens in Africa. You meet people and their story becomes forever part of your journey. We experience things outside, far outside, our comfort zone and see the world through new eyes. In a world of people do not, can not, or will not understand, she is one of the people who does. And that is a precious, precious thing. She is from Minnesota, but now lives in Mozambique with her adopted daughter. You can read their story here: http://www.thereforego.blogspot.com/
Anyway, she posted a link to another blog and it conveys what I feel in my heart yet couldn't put into words.
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/06/a-letter-to-the-north-american-church-because-it-is-time/
There is absolutely nothing so remarkable about me. I didn't "deserve" to be born in North America. I didn't "earn" it. Because that is the only difference. I was born in America, and these beautiful people were born in Africa. Just as I didn't choose to be born in one of the world's most powerful countries, they certainly did not choose to born in countries torn apart by war, corruption, and poverty. It is the simplest and the hardest thing to understand and accept, but it can make all the difference.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Change of Season
It is hard to fathom that I have been home over two months. I have been home for 10 weeks, which is longer than the time I spent in Africa! Yet, Africa remains such a powerful force. It permeates my life.
Right away, less than 48 hours after landing on American soil, I was back at my old job. Full time. Talk about hitting the ground running! Going back to work so soon was a mixed blessing. It helped me get back on a set schedule immediately, which allowed me to avoid jet-lag. It provided me some financial security, after using a lot of my own money to fund my time in Africa. It also forced me to transition back into my old life. To "normal" life. This gave me a new target goal. surviving work and getting back in the swing of things. This focus dulled, or at least postponed, my longing for Africa. I think that everything that happened in Africa combined with the quick transition back into my life here, combined with my body switching time zones, caused my body to go into autopilot for awhile. I would drive to work but I wouldn't remember the drive to work. It was a blessing, but I was worrying that I was becoming too complacent in my life here. That I was just delaying the inevitable.
Once I survived my first week of work, I started to look at my life with fresh eyes. My material life and every item I have accumulated over the years. Things look a lot different after you've spent two months living out of a single suitcase and two carry-ons. Why do I have this item? Would I take it back to Africa? Would it be worth storing here if I went back to Africa? I have begun to view anything and everything as a resource. If I am not using it, it is not enriching my life. If it is not enriching my life, it is a distraction from my life. If I am not using it, I might be depriving someone else who could really take advantage of that item. The mere fact that I like something is not always a valid reason to own something.
Once I survived my initial purge, life here really fell into a rhythm. My physical life was organized, in order, and manageable. Right on cue, my heart snapped out of its autopilot state. I missed Africa. Getting ready for work in the morning would make me think of how in Africa I would be getting ready for small group. Heating up my lunch at work would make me think of eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the back of The Venture on our way to/from community. The children singing at Church would make my heart ache at the thought of our children playing and singing at Siyathuthuka. Singing hymns at Church here just isn't the same as praising God with the Africans, whether the song is in English or SiSwati.
My heart aches. It just does. It sneaks up on me, sometimes in the moments I'm least expecting it. I have had a scrapbook delegated for Africa as long as I have had the desire to go to Africa. Years ago I painted the continent of Africa in the middle of the cover. As much as I loved that, it looked awkward surrounded by empty space. I really had no idea what I wanted to do with it, but about a month ago I was struck with the inspiration to finish the painting on the cover. I used oil paint, which has to dry for six months before you can seal it, so while that was curing I turned my attentions to what was going on on the inside. I completed my 35 double sided page scrapbook in just two days. It was with a manic determination that overpowered anything else I had planned on doing. Then I went through it and painstakingly labeled every page. Of course I have countless stories to go along with all the pictures and mementos, and when I take my scrapbook somewhere I'll always be nearby, but I wanted the scrapbook to be able to stand alone if needed.
Now I am trying to be content in this season. To embrace where God has brought me in this moment. To analyze my life here knowing that God could call me away at any moment. That life is more than things. That most of my things actually have no impact on my life. How happy I was in Africa in spite of having so little. How God is calling me to grow and be challenged next. I've been trying to make it out to the trail again! I would love to get back into running on a regular basis, as that is something I can do just as easily in Africa. Slowly but surely I am growing, being challenged, and changing. It's not always easy, but I know God is sovereign. I have been re-evaluating my comfort zone and trying new things. I have been trying to see myself how others see me, not falling back into the pattern of my own near-sighted view of myself.
I missed Africa enough to actually get a smartphone. I got aCrackBerry BlackBerry. Which had the appeal of BBM, for the other BlackBerry users (and there are a lot of them in Africa), and WhatsApp for everyone else. I am still in shock. I thought I'd never see the day. Or at least not for a very, very, very long time! What has a short stint in Africa done to me?!
I miss Africa, but I am called to be home for now, and so I embrace it. I couldn't be more blessed.
Right away, less than 48 hours after landing on American soil, I was back at my old job. Full time. Talk about hitting the ground running! Going back to work so soon was a mixed blessing. It helped me get back on a set schedule immediately, which allowed me to avoid jet-lag. It provided me some financial security, after using a lot of my own money to fund my time in Africa. It also forced me to transition back into my old life. To "normal" life. This gave me a new target goal. surviving work and getting back in the swing of things. This focus dulled, or at least postponed, my longing for Africa. I think that everything that happened in Africa combined with the quick transition back into my life here, combined with my body switching time zones, caused my body to go into autopilot for awhile. I would drive to work but I wouldn't remember the drive to work. It was a blessing, but I was worrying that I was becoming too complacent in my life here. That I was just delaying the inevitable.
Once I survived my first week of work, I started to look at my life with fresh eyes. My material life and every item I have accumulated over the years. Things look a lot different after you've spent two months living out of a single suitcase and two carry-ons. Why do I have this item? Would I take it back to Africa? Would it be worth storing here if I went back to Africa? I have begun to view anything and everything as a resource. If I am not using it, it is not enriching my life. If it is not enriching my life, it is a distraction from my life. If I am not using it, I might be depriving someone else who could really take advantage of that item. The mere fact that I like something is not always a valid reason to own something.
Once I survived my initial purge, life here really fell into a rhythm. My physical life was organized, in order, and manageable. Right on cue, my heart snapped out of its autopilot state. I missed Africa. Getting ready for work in the morning would make me think of how in Africa I would be getting ready for small group. Heating up my lunch at work would make me think of eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the back of The Venture on our way to/from community. The children singing at Church would make my heart ache at the thought of our children playing and singing at Siyathuthuka. Singing hymns at Church here just isn't the same as praising God with the Africans, whether the song is in English or SiSwati.
My heart aches. It just does. It sneaks up on me, sometimes in the moments I'm least expecting it. I have had a scrapbook delegated for Africa as long as I have had the desire to go to Africa. Years ago I painted the continent of Africa in the middle of the cover. As much as I loved that, it looked awkward surrounded by empty space. I really had no idea what I wanted to do with it, but about a month ago I was struck with the inspiration to finish the painting on the cover. I used oil paint, which has to dry for six months before you can seal it, so while that was curing I turned my attentions to what was going on on the inside. I completed my 35 double sided page scrapbook in just two days. It was with a manic determination that overpowered anything else I had planned on doing. Then I went through it and painstakingly labeled every page. Of course I have countless stories to go along with all the pictures and mementos, and when I take my scrapbook somewhere I'll always be nearby, but I wanted the scrapbook to be able to stand alone if needed.
Now I am trying to be content in this season. To embrace where God has brought me in this moment. To analyze my life here knowing that God could call me away at any moment. That life is more than things. That most of my things actually have no impact on my life. How happy I was in Africa in spite of having so little. How God is calling me to grow and be challenged next. I've been trying to make it out to the trail again! I would love to get back into running on a regular basis, as that is something I can do just as easily in Africa. Slowly but surely I am growing, being challenged, and changing. It's not always easy, but I know God is sovereign. I have been re-evaluating my comfort zone and trying new things. I have been trying to see myself how others see me, not falling back into the pattern of my own near-sighted view of myself.
I missed Africa enough to actually get a smartphone. I got a
I miss Africa, but I am called to be home for now, and so I embrace it. I couldn't be more blessed.
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